The Restless Sketch

Why can’t I sleep?

I stand here naked.
I want to be sick.
And tear down these walls
That slice at my neck.

There’s the door. Open.
So open I wish
For its hinges to
Be screwed to my flesh,
Just so that I might
Break out of this room,
Shed my splintered skin,
To breathe something new.

If it’s not the walls,
Maybe it’s the paint?
Maybe it knows when
I’m awake, waits,
Waits ’til I close my eyes,
Waits until I sleep,
Then floods me with horror,
Nightmares – once dreams.

No, it’s the window!
That glass in my eye!
That’s how these bastard
Walls watch me at night!
Even the walls can’t
See me without light;
They must see to make
The incisive slice.

I should smash the window,
Turn the walls blind.
Perhaps then in the
Darkness I could find
A way to get this
Dead body to sleep.
Maybe too much, something
Nobody sees.

What if it’s my bed?
Is it the mattress?
Is that the home of
Merciless madness?
I witness these sheets
Lined with razor blades,
Slicing me open
With nonchalant rage.
This bed takes my blood
To test the disease
That hit me when I
Was just seventeen.

What if hell doesn’t
Come from the windows?
If it’s not the walls?
And how do I know
It’s not in the shelves?
Maybe they’re what haunt
Me as I’m sleeping,
Splinters adopting
Their deadly meaning.
Maybe the nails are
What darken the night.
Maybe I should drive
The nails through my eyes.

Shelves lined with hatred,
Hatred and wisdom,
These lines of books and
Alcoholism.

The walls tell me blood
On the floor is clean,
Although they all know
The horrors I’ve seen.

No.

The horrors I’ve been.

What I am.

What if it’s something
From inside my head?
(I still entertain
The chance that I’m dead.)

What if it’s something
From outside these walls?
But what if outside,
There’s nothing at all?

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About DickensianJack

Born in Wolverhampton in November '93, moved to Huddersfield in September 2012. Studying at the University of Huddersfield. In love with the town - simple as that. As for the blog itself, I've been doing bits and pieces of writing (with varying quality) for a few years. A friend suggested I start a blog to share my work. Most of the stuff on here is poems, but there's other work interspersed on the page. Feel free to leave any comments on my work. Twitter: @DickensianJack (Jack Dickens) Facebook: www.facebook.com/dickensianjack Cheers, enjoy.
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